a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize