Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
