Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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