If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
