Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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