She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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