you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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