I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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