My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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