please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
