my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
