good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
