I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
