I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
