Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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