he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
