people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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