You made me cry and you don't even care
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
