Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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