giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
