Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
