Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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