i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
