I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize