I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
