It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
