What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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