i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
