A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
