guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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