i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
