I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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