community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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