I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
