Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize