i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
