So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
