I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
