dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
