24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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