Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
