'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
