I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
