my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
