Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
