you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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