My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
