Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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