do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
