I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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