need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
