Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
