we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
