Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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