Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
