she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
