Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize
