So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
