i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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