I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
