Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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