I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
