You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
