i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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