do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
