Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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