I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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