A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
