i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
