I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We left the knife in your bed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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