he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
