forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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